These Boots Were Made for Walking... Not Stealing

Well, I've had an interesting week... but before I get into that, I thought I'd share something darling Burro posted. It made me lol, which is a good thing considering the mood work constantly puts me in. Clicky here

So. I remember a couple of posts back venting my undying hatred of these two guys who came in, complaining their asses off, then when we hooked them up they left 3 cents on the table. Very cute. Anyway, I must have done something downright diabolical to deserve such evil Karma. So it was near the end of my shift, and as soon as I wrapped up my three tables from this last dinner rush I would be off the floor. Unfortunately, one of these tables was those two bastards AGAIN. Why? What did I do?!! So I decided I was just going to take care of them, but not linger and chat or anything. They took forever to decide what they wanted, which was stupid cause one of them always gets a sampler with cheesy fries instead of onion rings... and he got the same damn thing after reading the menu for like 15 minutes! So get their order in, take out their food, pretty much ignore them except for the one time I had to fill up their glasses. I give them the check, and they want it split. So, I do it, I just want out of there! Well I was busy when they went up to the register, so one of the other girls cashed them out. I see them leave, and the girl walks up to me and I'm like 'Thank god their gone! They are such assholes. I'll bet they didn't even leave a tip huh?' And she asks me if I split their check. I was like 'yeah.' ...'Wait, why?' Turns out one of those fuckers walked out without paying his bill! I'm just so angry, I'm like 'oh hell no, they can get their asses back in here and pay that! I'm not going to!'
One of the other ladies I work with ((she's a bit older but VERY feisty)) storms out into the parking lot with me and between the two of us we scour all the cars in the parking lot, looking to see if they were just sitting in a car. Turns out their not. They left. I know cause I searched everywhere!
So I go back into the resteraunt and find my boss and tell her those guys walked out on one of their tickets. A customer who overheard me talking to my boss is like 'I know those guys, I even have their phone number.' So my boss writes down their names, then proceeds to call the police. Cause guess what? Walking out on your ticket IS stealing food! God people can be so stupid about that sometimes ><
Anyway, like five minutes later these guys walk back into the resteraunt and are all like haha, you thought we walked on our ticket, I was just out smoking, you walked right by me, blah blah. Of course me and my boss aren't buying it, cause me and rita had run out in the parking lot and looked EVERYWHERE. You were not just outside smoking dumbass, I wasn't born yesterday. But he paid for his food, so I didn't really care. He then comes over to me and is all like haha, good one, here's a tip. Two dollars. Well, its more than I've ever gotten out of him, but what pissed me off even more is that when he paid for his food, he had a huge wad of hundreds that he pulled from his pocket. So its not that he can't afford to eat out and tip. He's just a cheap asshole.
Go figure.
But if I ever have to wait on that guy again, I'll probably stab him right in his eye with a spoon for harrassing me.

Buy Me a Shamrock

Mmm okay, I HATE selling things "for the cause." Even if its for a good cause, I just hate trying to get people to be generous. So lately we've had to sell these stupid green shamrocks for a dollar. Buy a shamrock and you get 20% off your ticket, and all proceeds go to the Muscular Distrophy Society ((I just hacked that word)). Sure its an awesome deal, but still people say no.. I don't get that! Um, twenty percent is how much employees get off, and off a big ticket thats a pretty damn good deal! But hey whatever, don't get it, I really could care less.
But still, the fact that I have to try and push these on people is bad enough, however just the other day we were informed that if the managers ask any of our tables if we offered them a shamrock, and they say no we get written up. THAT is bullshit. We're supposed to sell a certain number so we can have a pizza party, but I don't care if we have one or not. Now a night out at the bar- I'd be selling those bastards left and right! Pizza though? We're not fucking ten years old anymore ya know! I'm probably just overreacting as usual, but I've had to do this at like every job I've ever worked, and I'm really getting tired of it. If people want to donate monies for a cause, they'll just do it on their own time. I really think we should just stop bothering people. I know I don't want to be bothered!!!

Ignorance Must Be Bliss

Yeah, so last week I had the worst day ever, and it all crescendoed with these two guys... But I'd better back up. I had a pretty bad day anyway, not including work, so by the time I got to work, I was already in a foul mood. And every table I got seemed to only make my angrier, and I was fighting with one of my friends I work with too. It was just a shitty night. By the time my shift was over I wanted to go home so bad, I was so angry and frustrated I was nearly to the point of tears, and it takes a lot to get me to that point!
So I was technically cut off the floor, but I sat these two guys in Amanda's section and got their drinks while she was out smoking and we started chatting a little bit. They were normal late night customers, which means they were very perverted and were hitting on every server that came within eye distance. But I tolerated them, was even pleasant altough they were total dicks. They didn't want Amanda when she came back in from smoking, so I ended up staying later to take the table. And they were a pain in the ass! They complained about how last time they came in they got ripped off, so I talked to my boss and we hooked them up- got them some extra chicken strips, extra pancakes, even took a couple dollars off their ticket. And they sat there forever eating and bullshiting, harasing all the servers. But I took it like a champ. They finally left 45 minutes later, and I was just so tired and wanted to leave. All I had to do was clean off the table, pick up my tip and jet! I had cashed them out, so I knew they didn't leave anything on credit card, so I walked over to the table to clean up, collect my tip and leave. I didn't see any cash sitting on the table, but they were asses so I figured they 'hid' the tip under a plate trying to be cute. Thats just annoying. Usually there's someting sticky on the bottom of the plate, since people are just so much more damn slobby when they eat at a resteraunt than when at home, and that in turn gets on the money. I really hate having to clean off a tip before I can stick it in my damn pocket! ((end of rant))
So anyway, start bussing off the table, no tip. I'm just sad, all like 'what assholes, couldn't even tip' when I pick up one of the guy's Gold's Gym application he left on the table. And there it is. Three. Fucking. Pennies.
I. Freaked. Out.
I was just so fucking upset, I couldn't understand it. I bent over backwards to make sure these rude ass guys got exactly what they wanted, and they left happy, so why the fuck did they leave three cents on the table?! I already explained in an earlier blog that leaving a penny on the table is a downright insult and slap-in-the-face way of saying "you sucked as a server", and I know I did an awesome job with these guys. I was just furious at these ignorant-ass fuckers!
So very maturely I grabbed the three pennies and threw them across the restaraunt. Yeah I know, very mature, but hey I was seeing red and wanted to chase those guys out into the parking lot and stab them to death with a spoon. Instead I rolled a whole bucket of silverware in like 5 min flat ((an amazing feat >< )) and stormed outside and drove home like a bat out of hell. XD
So yeah, if I ever see those guys again I'd probably grab a handful of change and throw it at them, but God that was just one of the worst nights I've had at work in a while!

The Blessed Children

The guy who thought up Kids Eat Free Tuesday should be shot.  I had to work the last Tuesday, and it totally reminded me why I usually don't work it.  I don't know if this is exclusive to Tooelle, or its the same at all Dennys and other places that do a similar promotion, but free things tend to make people cheaper rather than more generous.  We've all taken to calling Kids Eat Free "two dollar tuesdays" cause you'll get these big ass families coming in, and they only have to pay for adult entrees and drinks, but they leave a hideous mess and two, three bucks.  A lot of the time I just look at these horrible tables and wonder if they eat like that at home.  Are they all like 'Eh, I don't want the rest of this cheeseburger. I'll just throw it on the kitchen floor.'  Most of the time I think so.  Nearly all these families should have drop cloths to eat, I shit you not.  If my messy ass family left a big mess, like food all over the floor, a nasty table covered in every condiment known to man plus some, then I'd make sure the server would get a good tip.  I mean, its not like we get busers to clean off our tables for us.  I have to pick up every mess my tables make, and it gets pretty nasty.

So unless you really eat like total slobs, either at home or out to eat, for gods sake make sure the poor sap who cleans up after you gets compensated for it!

The Seat is Not a Napkin

I'm not sure what it is that makes people think its okay to be absolute slobs when they go out to eat, but its something that bugs the hell out of me.  The other day I had a table with just two people at it, one on each side of the booth.  When they left I went to go clean it, and I'll be damned if one side of the booth was completely covered in grease!  It was so disgusting.  It wasn't spaced like someone was just wiping their hands on either side of themselves, but across the WHOLE side, like they'd stood up and wiped where they sat too.  Guess they ran out of booth space. WTF.  

But its not just greasy seats.  I see food just thrown on the floor- the carpet floor.  Who does that?  "hmm, I just don't want this mozerella stick.  I'll just chuck it on the floor, no one will notice."  Really buddy?!  I can understand kids, cause kids just eat that way.  But I've gone to clean up after a table of just adults and its been worse then when its a table of kids.  I really hate when a mess is made all over the table, and no one makes an effort to celan it up.  I know people go to a restaraunt so they don't have to cook and clean up after themselves, but if I was eating and someone dumped a crap load of ranch on the table, I'd want it cleaned up.  Who wants to stare at that while eating, or just leave it on the table and avoid it?  Frankly I find that very disgusting and quite ignorant. 

Okay, and also, straw wrappers.  I just wish to God people would stop shooting them across the room, or at each other, or waddding them up and dropping water on it- ooo, look at the snake grow!!- or even have spitwad fights with a table across the resteraunt.  I have to clean that up.  Not some lowly dishwasher, but me.  I get paid two bucks an hour, do you really think I want to clean up soggy paper off tables and walls? The answer is NO.  I don't care if people goof off, I do that all the time when I eat out or am even just at work. But please quit making extra work for me!!  At least to attempt to contain your mess.  It takes no effort to ask for napkins.  This isn't McDonalds, you don't have to get off your lazy ass to go get some.  All you have to do is ask and off I go.  Wow, just like magic.  Snap your fingers and get your wish.   But if you snap your fingers at me I'll break them.  That is very rude.

Were You Born a Bitch?

So friday was one of the more interesting shifts I've worked in a while.  I'm used to friday nights being kind of slow, but of course things never end up like they're supposed to.  It was actually very busy, and there was only 4 servers to try and handle the rush that never seemed to end.  However, that wasn't what made me angry that night, but rather the behavior of one of our dishwashers.  

So I was busy, handling 4 tables while trying to also take care of the cash register ((lucky us, no host to seat the door and ring up customers)).  I went to a table with 3 adults and a kid to take their order, and the poor kid was hacking up a storm.  His mom started to take him to the bathroom after telling me her order when the poor kid threw up all over the booth.  Of course it got all over him, and he starts crying just sitting in this puddle of pea-soup green barf.  I don't handle throw up at all.  Blood, guts, shit, piss, I can do anything but barf!  Since we're hella busy, I ask one of the dishwashers to come clean up my table for me so I can take care of the rest of my tables.  But damned if she doesn't look me right in the eye and tell me, "Its not my job  to clean it up.  Thats your  job." 

I was so irritated, since I know perfectly well what a dishwasher's responsibilities are, but I didn't have time to argue with her or get the manager involved with this little spat when I had tables that needed attention.  So lucky me, I went and cleaned up the puke, trying my hardest not to hurl right there on the booth.  I also had one of the other girls run my food, since how would that look, a server cleaning up puke and two minutes later bringing out food?  I triple washed and sanitized my hands, but all the time I wanted to punch that stupid girl in the head.  She's always been really rude, but her attitude simply amused me, since she has the lowest job in the whole restaurant.  But that just straight pissed me off, and I made sure I got her in trouble for refusing to do her job.  Thats not something I do every time someone pisses me off, but I know there are a lot of other hard-working people who would like to have her job, and would do it right.  And thats not the only thing she refuses to do.  When its busy and we need ice, its her fucking job to go get it! A dishwasher's official job title is 'Server's Assistant,' so if a server needs assistance, they damn well better do it.  Now if its not busy and we're just being lazy, of course they aren't obligated to fetch this or scrub that for us, but some of the dishwashers there are hella ignorant and it just pisses me off.  

Really bitch? Ignore me? You'll regret it when you don't have a job cause you refuse to do your fucking job.  Thats just the way of the world, you gotta pony up and do stuff you don't want to do.  No one is going to hold your hand, so guess you're SOL!

There is a happy ending to the story though, the table felt so bad they left me a $20 tip, which just rocks.  I've always said money is my emotional bandaid at work, and it makes a lot of things bearable for me.  Like cleaning up nasty kid puke.

Proper Restaurant Etiquette- Tipping

Okay, so I work as a server at one of the many Dennys that exist, and I've eventually come to realize that people think servers make a lot of money because our main source of income is tips.  However, a lot of people are under the illusion that we make tons of money.  Guess what? Not necessarily true.  My hourly wage ((and pretty much any other server's)) is a whole fucking $2.13 an hour.  Not a lot, and when people are totally stingy when tipping, I pretty much make jack shit.  And so, this brings me to todays topic, tipping.

A couple days ago my Dad asked me about tipping, and I've been thinking about it a lot, especially at work.  I don't think people are informed enough about tipping, even older people aren't up to date with what's really expected on the customer end of the spectrum. 

Now, my Dad had really terrible service in this restaurant he went to, and he asked about what's the right way to go about saying 'my experience sucked' without being a total douche about it.  I told him, but I also told him how to tip when your service was good, and it was a good thing I did, since he was surprised at both answers.  For the most part, servers try to do a good job, since people usually don't tip when they get shitty service. 

So, if you're at a restaurant and you like how you were taken care of, let 'em know.  I've often said money makes everything okay ((at least at work)), so if you enjoy being difficult, at least tip well.  A good tip is 15-20%, anything more is just awesome and will be well appreciated.  To me, 20% says I did everything perfect and they liked me, or at least how I served them.  I know 10%  used to be the norm for tipping, but cost of living has gone up ((hasn't everything? really.)) so I think it stands to reason that tipping would go up to.  But I guess lots of people are resistant to this idea... But anyways, if you get shitty service and you want to say so, a dollar on the table says 'dude I'm not happy, you sucked' without being totally cruel.  

However, there are those times when cruel and unusual methods are needed to really get the message across.  Be sure to use these sparingly, since it can also backfire and we'll remember your face so the next time you come in you'll get shitty service no matter what!  So, some of the real asshole-ish ways of leaving a tip i've seen:  one of the ones I hate tons is a handful of change in a glass of water.  So demeaning, cause if you want the change, you gotta go fishing for it.  I also saw a guy freeze a glass upside down on a table, with some change in the glass as well.  That was pretty cool, and since it didn't happen to me I thought it was kind of funny XD Hiding the tip when its like a buck or less also is really irritating, but just a penny on the table is the ultimate insult.  I haven't gotten one of those, thank god, but thats just so insulting and demeaning you can't interpret it any other way.

Now I know that people are going through hard times and not everyone has as much money as they usually do, and can't tip as well, but my thought is this: If you don't have the money to leave a good tip, don't go to a restaurant where you need to tip!! Nothing is more irritating then doing a good job and getting a 'sorry, this is all we've got, but you did great'.  Dude, money is my emotional bandaid at work.  I'll put up with A LOT of shit if it means a good tip. However, I refuse to accept that pathetic excuse.  If you don't want to tip, or can't, go somewhere that doesn't require you to tip.  Like McDonalds. Or Burger King.  If you're thinking good quality, Arby's is my personal favorite.  Tips stand for To Insure Proper Service.  Betcha didn't know that, but now you do.  But bottom line,  you want good service, you should expect to pay for it.